Safety alert for Indonesia airlines

Budget carrier Adam Air is among the six airlines given a deadline to improve [EPA] Six Indonesian airlines have been given a three month deadline to improve safety standards or face closure. Among the airlines listed in the government order is budget carrier Adam Air, which lost one of its aircraft with 102 passengers and crew onboard on January 1 off the island of Sulawesi. Budhi Muliawan Suyitno, Indonesia's civil aviation chief, said of 54 companies audited, none made it to the first of three safety categories. "If there's no improvement within three months, there will be a suspension order, and if there's still no improvement they will be shut down," he said. Airlines on notice Adam Air Kartika Airlines Jatayu Batavia Trans Wisata Air Dirgantara Fifteen companies, including six scheduled passenger airlines, were placed in the lowest category and were considered to have met only minimal standards of safety. The National carrier, Garuda Indonesia, made the second grade. The six airlines facing a three month deadline are Adam Air, Kartika Airlines, Jatayu, Batavia, Trans Wisata Air and Dirgantara. Hard landing The audit was ordered by the government to evaluate transport safety following a string of deadly air accidents in recent months. Aside from the Adam Air crash off Sulawesi, another of the airline's jets was badly damaged in a hard landing at Surabaya airport in February, although none of the passengers suffered serious injury. Earlier this month, a Garuda aircraft overshot the runway at Yogyakarta airport and burst into flames, killing 21 people. Air travel in Indonesia, which is made up of more than 17,000 islands, has grown massively since the liberalisation of the airline industry in 1999 which triggered price wars covering domestic routes. The rapid growth and price-cutting raised questions over whether safety was being compromised, and if aviation infrastructure and personnel could cope with the huge increase. Indonesia is also grappling with problems in other modes of transportation. There have been two serious ferry disasters in recent months killing hundreds of people, while rail accidents on an ageing system built during the Dutch colonial era occur frequently. Oleh:english.aljazeera

New Fighter Jet: Controversial Future of the U.S. Fleet

The first F-35 Lightning II developmental test aircraft flies over the Barringer Meteor Crater in Arizona on a deployment to Edwards AFB. The aircraft was enroute to Edwards where the JSF would later conduct inflight engine restart tests in preparation for flight envelope expansion. Photo courtesy of Lockheed Martin

Jeff "Slim" Knowles (in the dark blue) is one of the F-35 test pilots. Here he stands in front of the first F-35 test aircraft on a deployment to Edwards AFB where he conducted in-flight engine restart tests. Photo Credit: Jim Mumaw

The first F-35 developmental test aircraft touches down at Edwards AFB. The aircraft is looks and flies remarkably similar to its Lockheed Martin stablemate, the Lockheed Martin F-22 Raptor. Photo Credit: Jim Mumaw

The F-35 Lightning II Joint Strike Fighter (JSF) is slated to become the backbone of the U.S. tactical aviation fleet. This ambitious program aims to replace the combined U.S. Defense Department arsenal of F-16 Fighting Falcons, F/A-18 Hornets, A-10 Thunderbolts, and the AV-8B Harrier combat aircraft with a single platform capable of being adapted to the divergent needs of the U.S. Air Force, the U.S. Navy, and the U.S. Marine Corps.

The new fighter will not only replace those rapidly aging aircraft in the colossal American inventory, but the jet is also expected to become the mainstay of Allied air forces in Great Britain, Australia, and a host of other nations.

The massive undertaking is not without its critics however.

In recent weeks a number of highly critical reports and editorials have surfaced from both defense think tanks and the media. Critics such as Winslow Wheeler and Pierre Sprey of the Center for Defense Information malign the aircraft as an underpowered, overweight monstrosity that will be easy prey for the latest generation of threat aircraft such as the Russian built Su-35BM that are being proliferated around the world. Sprey and Wheeler argued in a editorial published on Sept. 10, that the F-35 which weighs in "at 49,500 lb air-to-air take-off weight, with an engine rated at 42,000 lb of thrust, will be a significant step backward in thrust-to-weight ratio for a new fighter."

Additionally, the two analysts suggest that the F-35 "with just 460 sq ft (43 m2) of wing area for the Air Force and Marine Corps variants, will have a wing-loading of 108 lbs per square foot."

Sprey and Wheeler argue that the F-35 is "actually less manoeuvrable than the appallingly vulnerable F-105 ‘Lead Sled' that got wiped out over North Vietnam" during the Vietnam conflict. The two critics dismiss the aircrafts' advanced stealth and avionics almost in their entirety, pointing to the downing of an F-117 Nighthawk stealth fighter during the 1999 Kosovo air campaign as evidence to support their views.

Wheeler and Sprey also assert that the aircraft will be unable to perform the vital role of close air support (CAS) — striking the enemy on the ground in direct support of ground troops. They argue that the aircraft "is too fast to see the tactical targets it is shooting at; too delicate and flammable to withstand ground fire" and lacks the endurance to meet the requirements of the close air support mission. Further the two academics assert that the aircraft is under armed with only two 2000 lbs Joint Direct Attack Munitions(JDAM) and two medium range air to air radar guided AIM-120 missiles in a full air to ground stealth configuration.

While both Wheeler and Sprey are respected academics, other attacks on the Joint Strike Fighter (JSF) program have come from less reputable sources. In the Australian media, the JSF was assailed by allegations that the fighters were "clubbed like baby seals" during a table top war-game held in Hawaii by the U.S. Pacific Command. Later, when the source of the report was revealed to be an erroneous backup slide for a RAND Corporation presentation, RAND not only disavowed the slide in question, but also issued a strong denial that the report was ever designed to be a detailed simulation of the capabilities of any warplane- much less the F-35. However, the damage to the public perception remains.

Major General Charles Davis, USAF, the Program Executive Officer of the JSF program, explained that critics of the F-35 simply do not understand the fundamental requirements and technologies behind the aircraft, nor have these critics been briefed about the true capabilities of the new warplane. The F-35 is "not designed for an air-show in Paris," Davis said referring to the thrust vectoring Russian Su-35 aircraft which regularly performs spectacular routines at air-shows around the world. Davis said that while the F-35 was not designed as a pure air superiority machine, the program has a requirement to defeat any threat aircraft today- or any projected threat aircraft in the future.

The JSF accomplishes this feat by relying on its incredible suite of sensors, its stealthy airframe, and a surprising level of agility. The F-35 is not only equipped with the APG-81 active electronically scanned array radar (AESA), which according to Lockheed Martin F-35 Chief Test Pilot Jon Beesley, is the most advanced fighter radar system in the world, but also a host of other sensors. The radar can track an enormous numbers of targets in the air at phenomenal ranges while simultaneously operating air to ground modes, Beesley said.

Complementing the radar, the F-35's airframe is also lined with antennas that gather vast amounts of electronic information from the jets surroundings. The system allows the fighter to target and identify the electronic emissions of hostile radars in the air or on the ground with startling precision, Beesley said. The data gathered from these sensors allows the aircraft to track, identify and attack the sources of these signals without giving away the F-35s' position.

Furthermore, the F-35 has two separate types of infrared sensors that allow the jet to track targets passively. The Distributed Aperture System (DAS) is a system of cameras that feeds an infrared image of the planes' surrounding to the pilots' helmet, Beesley explained. The computer fuses the images from the six cameras and merges the images into a single seamless picture that allows the pilot to see 360 degrees around the aircraft, including through the cockpit floor and indeed the pilots' own body. The DAS also acts as a missile warning system (MWS) that alerts the pilot to incoming missiles. The second infrared sensor, called the electro-optical targeting system (EOTS), allows the aircraft to target, track, and identify object in the air or on the ground at long ranges and high resolutions, Beesley said.

The F-35 is able to transmit the wealth of data that the warplane gathers to other aircraft and to ground forces. Not only does the F-35 carry the standard Link-16 data-link to transmit information to over 100 other types of NATO platforms, the jet will carry data-links to communicate with ground forces and other stealth aircraft. A next-generation data-link called the Multifunction Advanced Data-Link (MADL) which will be carried by the F-35, will allow the plane to stealthily share data with the F-22 air dominance fighter and B-2 Spirit stealth bomber, enhancing the capabilities of all the aircraft involved. Additionally, the fighter's communication suite is based on an open source software programmable system. Thus as new technologies become available, new hardware and software can be added without the difficulties typically encountered with upgrading military systems, Davis said.

The F-35 is a stealthy airframe. Because the F-35 is designed to fly and fight in even the most heavily defended airspace, stealth is an essential component of the jets' design. The stealthy airframe is tailored for the mission of flying into the teeth of the most advanced air defences that the enemy can muster where conventional aircraft are vulnerable, Davis said. While the aircraft has a different radar cross section depending on which aspect angle is facing a threat radar, the plane meets the stringent requirements set forth by the U.S. military services based on more than 20 years of American experience with stealth aircraft design, Davis explained. Furthermore, stealth does not merely apply to an aircraft's radar cross section, an aircraft's infrared signature is similarly tailored to be less detectable by the enemy, Davis said. The sum total is an aircraft that is less vulnerable to the enemy from the air or ground.

The F-35 carries a diverse load of weaponry. Almost every air to ground weapon in the U.S. arsenal will eventually be integrated into the jet. These weapons include a host of laser guided weapons, satellite guided munitions, and air to ground missiles. While the perceived lack of weapons payload is the one of the main criticisms levelled at the JSF, Davis points out that the aircraft can carry a huge load of weapons externally once the enemy air defense systems have been destroyed. During the opening days of a war, Davis said weapons have to be carried internally in order to maintain the maximum level of stealth. In a full stealth configuration, the primary weapons load is limited to two 2000 lbs JDAM satellite guided munitions and two air to air AIM-120 AMRAAM missiles. In the future, however, the JDAM will be exchanged for as many as eight, possibly more, 250 lbs Small Diameter Bombs (SDB), allowing a single jet to strike as many as eight or more separate targets, Davis said.

In a pure stealth air to air configuration, the F-35 currently carries four AIM-120 AMRAAM missiles internally in its weapons bays, Davis said. While this configuration gives the jet a significant punch, Davis said studies have been undertaken that would increase the stealth air to air war load to six to possibly as many as eight air to air missiles which would be carried internally. The jet can also carry air to air missiles externally should the need arise and stealth is no longer a concern, Davis said.

In terms of aerodynamic performance, the F-35 is an excellent machine, Beesley said. Having previously been only the second man ever to have flown the F-22 Raptor, Beesley became the first pilot ever to fly the F-35 in late 2006. As such, Beesley is intimately familiar with both programs. According to Beesley, the four current test pilots for F-35 have been most impressed by the aircraft's thrust and acceleration. In the subsonic flight regime, the F-35 very nearly matches the performance of its' larger, more powerful cousin, the F-22 Raptor, Beesley explained. The "subsonic acceleration is about as good as a clean Block 50 F-16 or a Raptor- which is about as good as you can get." Beesley said.

The aircraft flies in "large measure like the F-22, but it's smaller, and stiffer" than the Raptor however, Beesley explained, adding that the aircraft handles superbly. The reason for the similar flight characteristics, explained the test pilot, is because the man who designed the flight control laws for the Raptor, is also the same man who is responsible for the flight control software for the F-35. As Beesley explains, the flight control laws of modern fighters determine to large extent the flight characteristics of a given aircraft. Beesley said that the aircraft is so stable and so comfortable that the test pilots find themselves inadvertently drifting too close to their wingmen in formation.

What Beesley expects will surprise future F-35 pilots is the jets' superb low speed handling characteristics and post-stall manoeuvrability. While the F-22 with its thrust vectored controls performs better at the slow speeds and high angle of attack (AOA) flight regime, the F-35 will be able match most of the same high AOA manoeuvres as the Raptor, although it will not be able to do so as quickly as the more powerful jet in some cases. Turning at the higher Gs and higher speed portions of the flight envelope, the F-35 will "almost exactly match a clean Block 50 F-16 and comes very close to the Raptor", Beesley said.

Ironically, the Navy version, which has larger wings but a lower G limit of 7.5G, has the best turning capability of the three F-35 versions Beesley explained. The Air Force version, meanwhile, has the best acceleration and is rated for 9Gs, Beesley said. Davis, explaining that the Marine Corps deemphasizes manoeuvrability in its air combat doctrine, said that the short take off, vertical landing (STOVL) USMC plane has a 7G limit. Beesley said that the aircraft makes up for the lower G limit by offering the flexibility in basing required by the Marines. Nor does the STOVL give up too much in range because of the engine driven lift fan installed behind the cockpit, Beesley said. The jet has "a range of more than 500 miles", while the Air Force and Navy planes both have ranges greater than 600 miles, Beesley explained, adding that the USAF version has as much internal fuel capacity as the larger twin engined F-22 Raptor.

While supersonically the F-35 is limited to a seemingly unimpressive Mach1.6 in level flight, Davis explains that the JSF is optimized for exceptional subsonic to supersonic acceleration. Transonic acceleration is much more relevant to a fighter pilot than the absolute max speed of the jet, Davis said. Davis, who was previously the program manager for the F-15 Eagle, explains that while the Eagle is a Mach 2 class fighter, it has rarely exceed the threshold of Mach 1.2 to Mach 1.3 during it's entire 30 year life span. Additionally, the time the aircraft has spent in the supersonic flight regime can be measured in minutes rather than hours- most of the supersonic flights were in fact during specialized flights such as Functional Check Flights (FCF). "I don't see how that gets you an advantage" Davis said, referring to the Mach 2+ capability. Beesley said that in terms of supersonic flight that the F-35 is still more than competitive with existing designs.

Comparisons to the F-22 Raptor are unfair as "supersonically, the Raptor is in a class by itself. It lives there," Beesley explained. "In many ways the Raptor is the first true supersonic fighter," Beesley added, referring to that aircrafts' much publicized and unique supersonic cruise capability.

Beesley explained that the F-35 is different from legacy fourth generation fighters such as the F-15, F-16, F/A-18, or even more modern aircraft such as the Eurofighter, in that the primary weapons load is stored internally. This arrangement means that there is no added drag to the airframe from externally carried weapons, fuel tanks, or sensor pods as in older aircraft types. The outstanding handling, acceleration, and the maximum speed of the aircraft is useable in a combat configuration unlike in legacy fighters. Beesley said that recently he flew an F-35 test flight with a full internal load of two 2000 lbs JDAMs, and two AIM-120 missiles. The aircraft "felt like it had a few thousand pounds of extra fuel" but otherwise Beesley said there was practically no degradation in the aircrafts' performance.

What this means for the pilots who will fly the F-35 over future battlefields is that the Lightning II will be an aircraft that will excel in a multitude of roles. The JSF will provide the troops on the ground with close air support (CAS). However, the way the F-35 will carry out the CAS mission will be significantly different from the way the current A-10 Warthog performs the mission. There will be less emphasis on flying at low altitudes and absorbing ground fire and more emphasis on intelligence gathering and precision guided strikes, Davis explains. The F-35 will use its superb sensor capabilities and data-links to transmit real time imagery and sensor data to the troops on the ground in addition to using its 25 millimetre cannon and SDBs to provide fire support, Davis said. The jets' stealth capabilities will allow the jet to do so even in a high threat environment.

The most challenging mission for the JSF is where the F-35s will have to penetrate deep into a dense integrated air defense system reinforced by enemy fighters and strike a target with no support, Davis said. This is the most difficult mission for the F-35, but it is also one that is near suicidal for current aircraft such as the F-16. Modern Russian built surface to air missile systems such as the SA-20 are deadly to conventional aircraft, Davis explained. A package of four, six, or even eight F-35s would have to divide up the responsibilities for the suppression of enemy air defenses, mapping out the target, clearing the skies, and striking the target, Davis said. The larger number of aircraft is necessary since the F-35 "doesn't have the kinematics of the F-22", Davis explained, "we're a slightly fatter, slower aircraft, so it takes a few more planes to get the job done."

Beesley for his part, when asked which aircraft he preferred, said that "for clearing the skies" he'd have to pick the Raptor, but for everything else the F-35 would be his pick he said, adding,

"The F-35 offers a greater depth and breadth of missions." Beesley said, given the F-35s' awesome capabilities, "The only airplane that can complete with it is the Raptor. Everything else is playing in a different league."Oleh:Dave Majumdar

Businessman Supplies India with US Missile and Fighter Jet Technology

The owner of an international electronics business has pled guilty to one-count arising from a conspiracy to illegally export controlled microprocessors and electronic components to government entities in India that participate in the development of ballistic missiles, space launch vehicles, and fighter jets.

The guilty plea was announced on Tuesday by Kenneth L. Wainstein, Assistant Attorney General for National Security; Jeffrey A. Taylor, US Attorney for the District of Columbia; Joseph Persichini, Jr., Assistant Director in Charge, FBI Washington Field Office; Darryl W. Jackson, Assistant Secretary for Export Enforcement, US Department of Commerce, and Julie Myers, Department of Homeland Security Assistant Secretary for US Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE).

Parthasarathy Sudarshan, 47, a resident of Simpsonville, South Carolina, entered his guilty plea in US District Court for the District of Columbia before the Honorable Ricardo Urbina to the felony charge of conspiracy to violate the International Emergency Economic Powers Act and the Export Administration Regulations; and to violate the Arms Export Control Act and the International Traffic in Arms Regulations.

The Honorable Ricardo Urbina is scheduled to sentence Sudarshan on June 16, 2008. "The defendant participated in a clandestine network that circumvented our export laws and put sophisticated technology in the hands of foreign companies that were listed as endusers of concern for proliferation reasons," stated US Attorney Taylor. "With this prosecution, the defendant will no longer be able to make a profit at the expense of our national security.

This case also demonstrates the priority our government has placed on combating such networks." By fraudulently acquiring and shipping controlled missile technology overseas, this defendant violated both our federal law and our national security. It is fitting that he stands convicted and faces a serious penalty for his criminal conduct," said Assistant Attorney General Wainstein. According to court documents filed by the government, Sudarshan did business as Cirrus Electronics ("Cirrus") and held himself out to be Cirrus' CEO, Managing Director, and President and Group Head. Cirrus has offices in Simpsonville, South Carolina, Singapore, and Bangalore, India.

Among the recipients of US technology in this case were the Vikram Sarabhai Space Centre (VSSC), an enterprise within the Department of Space of the Government of India, and Bharat Dynamics, Ltd. (BDL), an enterprise within the Ministry of Defence of the Government of India. The US government has determined that VSSC participates in India's space launch vehicle program and that BDL participates in India's development and production of ballistic missiles.

As such, both VSSC and BDL are on the Department of Commerce's Entity List and exports of US-origin commodities to these entities are restricted and require prior authorization in the form of a license from the Department of Commerce. Between 2002 and 2006, Sudarshan acquired electrical components with applications in missile guidance and firing systems in the United States for VSSC and BDL.

In particular, in the case of at least two US vendors, Sudarshan and others at Cirrus provided the US companies with fraudulent certificates that claimed that the endusers of these electrical components were non-restricted entities in India, when, in fact, the items were for VSSC. There were no export licenses for any of the shipments to VSSC and BDL. To further conceal from the US government that goods were going to entities in India on the Department of Commerce Entity List, Sudarshan would route the products through its Singapore office and then send the packages on to India.

In addition to supplying VSSC and BDL with components, Sudarshan acquired microprocessors for the Tejas, a fighter jet under development in India. The microprocessors were necessary for the navigation and weapons systems of the Tejas. Because the microprocessors are on the US Munitions List, the State Department must license any export of the products. On two occasions in 2004 and 2006, Cirrus caused the shipment of a total of 500 microprocessors to the Aeronautical Development Establishment, an enterprise within the Ministry of Defence of the Government of India that was responsible for the development of the Tejas.

There were no licenses for these shipments. "Today's plea illustrates the FBI's commitment to ensure the safety and security of our nation's citizens and our country's protected national security information and technology," said FBI Assistant Director in Charge Persichini. "The FBI also recognizes the invaluable investigative assistance provided by the Department of Commerce Office of Export Enforcement." "One of the highest enforcement priorities of Commerce's Bureau of Industry and Security is ensuring that dual-use items don't end up in dangerous hands," said Commerce Assistant Secretary Jackson. "The Department of Commerce's Entity List puts exporters on notice regarding endusers that are of proliferation concern.

This case demonstrates that we will take action against those exporters who evade our export control system." "The customs laws of the United States are in place to ensure that sensitive technologies do not fall into the wrong hands. When exporters skirt the law or cover up their activities to fill their own pockets, they do so at the expense of national security.

We will aggressively pursue these cases and see that those who violate export regulations are prosecuted to the full extent of the law," said Homeland Security Assistant Secretary Myers.

Pilot Baru Lulus

Seorang pilot yang baru saja lulus dari sekolah penerbangan disuruh komandan untuk mencoba sebuah helikopter, alangkah malangnya di ketinggian 1000m tiba2x jatuh.

Sang pilot selamat dan ketika diselidiki ternyata tidak ada satupun kesalahan baik dari menara bandara ataupun mesin.

Lalu banyak yang menjadi penasaran ketika ditanyakan kepada sang pilot, sang pilot berkata bahwa waktu pertama-tama terbang sang pilot tidak merasakan apa2, tetapi pada ketinggian 1000m sang pilot mulai kedinginan.

“lalu,” sang pilot berkata: kipas yang diatas saya matiin”.

CERITA LUCU DI PESAWAT

Ada tiga orang cewek sedang naik pesawat. Satu orang Jawa, satu lagi Manado dan cewek satunya lagi orang Papua. Tiba tiba dalam perjalanan, cuaca sangat buruk sehingga pesawat oleng. Pramugari pun sibuk mengumumkan bahwa penerbangan sedang memasuki cuaca sangat buruk. Para penumpang dipersilahkan mengenakan sabuk pengaman dan duduk di tempat masing masing. Ketiga cewek ini bukannya memasang tali pengaman malah sibuk dengan urusannya sendiri sendiri.

Si cewek Jawa sibuk berdandan sampai kelihatan cantik. Orang orang di sekitarnya heran dan bertanya tanya.

ORANG 1 : "Mbak kok malah sibuk berdandan sih, nggak denger ya tadi pengumuman ? ganjen banget sih..."
Dengan santai Si Cewek Jawa menjawab.
CEWEK JAWA : Nanti kan kalau pesawat jatuh, yang ditolongin pertama kali pasti orang yang cantik cantik...

Si Cewek Manado tidak mau kalah, dia langsung mengangkat roknya tinggi tinggi sehingga pahanya terlihat jelas.
ORANG 2 : "Mbak ngapain angkat rok ? Nggak tau situasi lagi gawat ya ?"
Tanpa beban apa apa si cewek Manado menjawab.
CEWEK MANADO : Kalau pesawat jatuh yang ditolong pertama kali pasti yang pahanya putih putih...

Orang Papua kebakaran jenggot. Langsung saja dia membuka baju dan celananya hingga telanjang bulat. Orang orang berteriak kaget melihat Cewek Papua ini. Seorang penumpang memberanikan bertanya.

ORANG 3 : Heh... kenapa kamu telanjang, sudah gila ya ? tidak tau kau pesawat so mau jatuh ini....
Dengan santainya Cewek Papua itu menjawab.
CEWEK PAPUA : Justru itu... kalau pesawat jatuh biasanya yang dicari pertama kali apa ?
Kotak hitam toh ?

Pilot dan teknisi

Setiap setelah suatu penerbangan, seorang pilot akan mengisi form yang
berisikan masalah2 yang ditemuinya sebelum,ketika, dan setelah
penerbangan. Kemudian teknisi akan mengeceknya, memberikan respon, lalu
memberikan form kepada pilot sebelum penerbangan selanjutnya supaya
pilot dapat mereview penerbangan2nya.Berikut ini adalah salah satu
form, dari sebuah airline yang ternyata tidak pernah mengalami kecelakaan

Pilot: Roda utama sebelah kiri HAMPIR lepas
Teknisi: Roda utama sebelah kiri HAMPIR diganti.

Pilot: Penerbangan OK, pendaratan otomatis masih terlalu kasar.
Teknisi: Pendaratan otomatis tidak terpasang di pesawat ini.

Pilot: Ada suatu bagian mesin yang longgar di kokpit.
Teknisi: Ada suatu bagian mesin yang diperketat di kokpit.

Pilot: Serangga mati di kaca depan.
Teknisi: Yang masih hidup ada di belakang.

Pilot: Auto pilot untuk mempertahankan ketinggian menyebabkan pesawat turun 200m setiap menitnya.
Teknisi: Tidak dapat dites di darat.Masalah selesai.

Pilot: Ada bukti kebocoran di gigi roda kanan peralatan pendaratan.
Teknisi: Bukti disingkirkan.

Pilot: Volume suara DME luar biasa keras.
Teknisi: Volume suara DME diturunkan ke tingkat yang lebih biasa.

Pilot: Kunci anti gesekan menyebabkan pedal gas pesawat terkunci.
Teknisi: Itulah gunanya kunci anti gesek.

Pilot: IFF tidak dapat bekerja dalam OFF mode.
Teknisi: IFF selalu tidak bekerja dalam OFF mode.

Pilot: Ada kecurigaan kaca depan retak.
Teknisi: Kecurigaan anda benar.

Pilot: Mesin nomor 3 tidak ada.
Teknisi: Mesin nomor 3 ditemukan di sayap sebelah kanan.

Pilot: Kontrol pesawat bergerak dengan konyol.
Teknisi: Kontrol pesawat telah diperingatkan untuk tidak berbuat konyol,terbang dengan benar,dan serius dalam menjalankan tugas.

Pilot: Radar target berdeham ringan.
Teknisi: Diprogram ulang supaya ditambah lirik.

Pilot: Ditemukan obyek "Tikus" di kokpit.
Teknisi: Obyek "Kucing" dalam proses instalasi.

Pilot: ada suara ribut dari dalam panel kontrol.Suaranya seperti seekor kurcaci mengetuk2 dengan palu besi.
Teknisi: Palu besi dicabut dari kurcaci.

Penerbangan Haji

Pada sebuah penerbangan Garuda Airlines yang mengangkut para
jamaah haji dari Indonesia. Ketika sudah hampir dekat dengan bandara
di Jeddah, tampaknya pesawat tersebut mengalami gangguan.
Masker oksigen mulai berjatuhan dan para penumpangnya mulai
terlihat panik. Sang pilot lalu mengontak menara pengawas penerbangan
di bandara Jeddah untuk meminta bantuan :
"Menara Jeddah, di sini Kapten Rudy, Garuda Airlines 878, apakah anda
mendengar?"
"Garuda 878, di sini menara Jeddah, silahkan"
"Menara Jeddah, di sini Garuda 878, kami sedang ada masalah yang gawat"
"Di sini menara Jeddah, tolong jelaskan masalahnya"
"Di sini Garuda 878, mesin kami kehilangan tenaga, mohon petunjuk"
"Di sini menara Jeddah, kami mendengar anda, tolong dicek beberapa hal
buat kami, OK?"
"Di sini Garuda 878, silahkan"
"Di sini menara Jeddah, apakah anda bisa menghidupkan tenaga cadangan
di mesin anda?"
"Di sini Garuda 878, negatif, sudah tidak ada tenaga sama sekali"
"Di sini menara Jeddah, dapatkah anda menurunkan ketinggian menjadi
20,000 feet?"
"Di sini Garuda 878, negatif, pengontrol sayap kami tidak ada respon"
"Di sini menara Jeddah, dapatkan anda mengeluarkan roda pendaratnya"
"Di sini Garuda 878, negatif, roda pendaratnya macet, tidak dapat dikeluarkan"
"Di sini menara Jeddah, dapatkan anda mengulang apa yang saya ucapkan?"
"Di sini Garuda 878, silahkan"
"Di sini menara Jeddah, tolong ulangi kata-kata ini :
Asshadualla illa hailAllah, wa ashaduanna Muhammaddan rosulullah"

Kisah 3 Pilot

Pada perang dunia ke dua tiga pesawat Belanda jatuh di Kalimantan.
Ketiga pilot itupun akhirnya disandera oleh warga setempat yang ternyata adalah orang Dayak.

Kebetulan orang2 dayak tersebut adalah 'head hunter' dan sekaligus kanibal. Mengetahui hal tersebut, ketiga pilot yg takut tersebut memohon agar tidak dibunuh Maka kepala suku setempat berkata, 'Kalo kamu semua masih mau hidup, kalian harus pergi ke hutan dan bawa kembali SEPULUH buah yg jenisnya sama.Tapi kalian hanya mendapatkan waktu tiga jam!'

Dengan sangat cepat ketiga pilot itupun akhirnya lari ke hutan untuk mencari buah-buahan.
Setelah dua jam pilot pertama pun akhirnya datang membawa sepuluh buah apel.

Kepala Suku: Baik kamu telah membawa 10 buah apel. Sekarang masukkan
semua apel itu melalui dubur kamu satu persatu.

Kalau kamu merintih, atau membuat suara, kamu akan saya potong-potong jadi sate!! Dengan perlahan-lahan sang pilot mencoba memasukkan apel pertama tanpa merintih. Dengan penuh perjuangan dan ketahanan akhirnya apel pertama bisa dia masukkan.
Namun di apel yg ke dua ia tidak bisa menahan sakit dari ng-ngnya, dan seraya merintih.
Dengan kejam sang kepala suku memenggal kepala sg pilot. Maka naiklah ia ke surga.

Pilot kedua datang membawa 10 buah lengkeng.
Dan kepala suku memberikan instruksi yg sama kepada sang pilot.
Dalam hati, 'Yah kalo lengkeng sih gampang!' Dan memang betul.
Satu lengkeng masuk, dua lengkeng, tiga lengkeng........tapi pada saat ia
memasukkan lengkeng yg kesepuluh sang kepala suku tiba2 memotong kepalanya.
Saat pilot 2 naik ke surga ia bertemu dengan pilot 1.

Pilot 2: Wah kamu mati juga ya?
Pilot 1: Iya aku bawa apel sih. Kan sakit! Sialan itu kepala
suku,Syaratnya berat banget! Trus kamu bawa buah apa?
Pilot 2: Lengkeng?
Pilot 1: Lengkeng? Itu kan gampang, kecil, gak sakit lagi!
Pilot 2: Emang betul. Semua lengkeng hampir aku masukkan semua ke dalam
lubang dubur. Tapi ya itu, tiba2 aku tertawa dan semua lengkeng yg aku sudah masukkan keluar semua.....

Pilot 1: Bego kamu! Kog ketawa?
Pilot 2: Habis pas mau masukin lengkeng no.10 aku liat Pilot 3 bawa DUREN!
Pilot 1: huahahahahhahaahah

Sampai Jumpa Di Lain Kesempatan

Dalam suatu penerbangan Jakarta-Frankfurt pesawat mengalami gangguan pada mesinnya.... dan saat itu pas diatas laut. Kapten merendahkan penerbangannya supaya kalau terjadi apa2 tidak terlalu jauh untuk menukik...sehingga kecelakaan tidak begitu fatal.

Tapi pesawat agak oleng...tidak begitu bisa dikendalikan dengan baik. Akhirnya pak Kapten menyuruh Awak pesawat mengatur strategi duduk penumpang supaya tidak terjadi kekacauan pada saat pendaratan darurat.

Pramugari:
Para penumpang yang budiman, saya mohon perhatiaannya....untuk memudahkan pendaratan darurat diminta yang tidak bisa berenang untuk duduk disebelah kiri saya dan yang bisa disebelah kanan saya.

(Nah sesaat kemudian terjadi lah pertukaran tempat.... saudara, anak dan teman akhirnya berpisah duduk)

Nah mohon pakai pelampung masing2.

(Semua instruksi lancar......... tidak ada masalah. Maka pesawatpun melangsungkan pendaratan darurat yang tidak begitu mulus)

Pada saat terjadi benturan2... Pramugari akhirnya menemui penumpang yang tidak bisa berenang... dan ia cuma bilang:

Para penumpang yang budiman kami doakan semoga selamat dalam menyelamatkan diri sendiri..????? dan sampai jumpa lagi dilain kesempatan dan penerbangan yang lain.

Penerbangan Solo

Pada suatu hari seorang Pemuda mengajak istrinya menginap ke rumah ayahnya yang duda untuk menikmati bulan madunya. Rumah si Ayahnya yang duda kecil dan bertingkat.
Pada malam harinya si pengaten baru tidur di kamar atas dan si ayah di kamar bawah. Tengah malam terjadi goncangan kuat yang berasal dari atas, kemudian siayah bertanya dengan anaknya. "Tenang yah kami sedang menikmati penerbangan pertama!!..", jawab si anak laki2nya menenangkan ayah. Sejam kemudian terjadi goncangan yang sama, yang berasal dari kamar atas lagi. "Tenang yah kami sedang menikmati penerbangan yang kedua!!..", teriak si anak menjawab ayah yang bertanya dari bawah.
Setelah beberapa jam kemudian terjadi goncangan yang lebih kuat dari goncangan yang sebelumnya tapi berasal dari bawah. Si anak kemudian bertanya kepada si ayah. "Tenang nak, ayah sedang menikmati penerbangan solo!!!", Jawab si Ayah dengan tenangnya.

Training the blonde

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she cried," one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

A Skydiving lesson

All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. During class he would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions.

One guy asked, "If our chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?"

Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan and answered, "The rest of your life."

Blonde goes flying

A blonde went to a flight school insisting that she wanted to learn to fly. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way.

After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.

When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can barely remember anything after I turned off the big fan!"

Commandments of Helicopter Flying

* He who inspecteth not his aircraft giveth his angels cause to concern him.
* Hallowed is thy airflow across thy disc restoring thine Translational Lift.
* Let infinite discretion govern thy movement near the ground, for vast is the area of destruction.
* Blessed is he who strives to retain his standards, for without them he shall surely perish.
* Thou shalt maintain thy speed whilst between ten and four hundred feet lest the earth rise and smite thee.
* Thou shall not make trial of thy centre of gravity lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.
* Thou shalt not let thy confidence exceed thy ability, for broad is the way to destruction.
* He that doeth his approach and alloweth the wind to turn behind him shall surely make restitution.
* He who alloweth his tail rotor to catch in the thorns curseth his childrens children.
* Observe thou this parable lest on the morrow thy friends mourn thee.

What's the purpose of the propeller?

What's the purpose of the propeller?

To keep the pilot cool. If you don't think so, just stop it and watch him sweat!

The difference between God and pilots

What's the difference between God and pilots?
God doesn't think he's a pilot

The 33 Greatest Lies in Aviation

* I'm from the FAA and I'm here to help you.
* Me? I've never busted minimums.
* We will be on time, maybe even early.
* Pardon me, ma'am, I seem to have lost my jet keys.
* I have no interest in flying for the airlines.
* I fixed it right the first time, it must have failed for other reasons.
* All that turbulence spoiled my landing.
* I'm a member of the mile high club.
* I only need glasses for reading.
* I broke out right at minimums.
* The weather is gonna be alright; it's clearing to VFR.
* Don't worry about the weight and balance -- it'll fly.
* If we get a little lower I think we'll see the lights.
* I'm 22, got 6000 hours, a four year degree and 3000 hours in a Lear.
* We shipped the part yesterday.
* I'd love to have a woman co-pilot.
* All you have to do is follow the book.
* This plane outperforms the book by 20 percent.
* We in aviation are overpaid, underworked and well respected.
* Oh sure, no problem, I've got over 2000 hours in that aircraft.
* I have 5000 hours total time, 3200 are actual instrument.
* No need to look that up, I've got it all memorized.
* Sure I can fly it -- it has wings, doesn't it?
* We'll be home by lunchtime.
* Your plane will be ready by 2 o'clock.
* I'm always glad to see the FAA.
* We fly every day -- we don't need recurrent training.
* It just came out of annual -- how could anything be wrong?
* I thought YOU took care of that.
* I've got the field in sight.
* I've got the traffic in sight.
* Of course I know where we are.
* I'm SURE the gear was down.

Dream flying planes

Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married years.

Bob had always want to go flying. The desire deepen each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides.

Bob would ask, and Sue would say, "No way, ten dollars is ten dollars."

The years went pay, and Bob figured he didn't have much longer, so he got Sue out to the show, explaining, it's free to watch, let's at least watch.

And once he got there the feeling become real strong. Sue and Bob started an arguement.

The Pilot, between flights, overheard, listened to they problem, and said, "I'll tell you what, I'll take you up flying, and if you don't say a word the ride is on me, but if you back one sound, you pay ten dollars.

So off they flew. The Pilot doing as many rolls, and dives as he could.

Heading to the ground as fast as the plane could go, and pulling out of the dive at just the very last second. Not a word. Finally he admited defeat and went back the air port.

"I'm surprised, why didn't you say anything?"

"Well I almost said something when Sue fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

NTSB Safety Alert on Operating Aircraft in Icing Conditions

The U.S. National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) has issued a Safety Alert, directed to pilots, about operating aircraft in icing conditions. The Safety Alert is intended to increase the visibility of airplane icing issues and "address procedures taught regarding the accumulation of ice before activating deice boots," according to NTSB Acting Chairman Mark V. Rosenker.

Some of the highlights of the newly issued Safety Alert, which was approved by all five Board Members, are:

• noting that as little as 1/4 inch of ice can be deadly;
• as little as 1/4 inch of leading edge ice can increase the stall speed 25 to 40 knots; and
• early activation of the deice boots limits the effects of leading-edge ice and improves the operating safety margin.

The Safety Alert states that leading-edge deice boots should be activated as soon as icing is encountered, unless the aircraft flight manual or the pilot's operating handbook specifically directs not to activate them.

In the Alert, pilots are instructed to maintain extremely careful vigilance of airspeed and any unusual handling qualities if the aircraft manual or the pilot's operating handbook allows for an accumulation of ice before activating the deice boots, and to turn off or limit the use of the autopilot in order to better "feel" changes in the handling qualities of the airplane.

Here is the lin to the Safety Alert: Aircraft Ground Icing - NTSB, 2-page 'pdf' file
Oleh: B. N. Sullivan